Maturity Required

There are certain things that I have learned in my years on this planet. Chocolate is the work of a benevolent god. Wine is what the ancient ones meant by "ambrosia". 4 inch heels add an exponential amount of sexiness to my legs. Math - especially in the incarnation of tax forms - are the work of the devil. But, unfortunately, there are also things that I have not yet mastered. More than that, they are things that I think should have been on my "list of things I could competently handle before I moved out on my own." Things like shaving without getting out of the shower and wondering A) how the vampire hid from me in that very small space, and B) if I am a failure as a woman for not being able to shave without blood as an end result. Things like being able to watch The Hunt For Red October - which is not in any way a horror movie - without getting so claustrophobic that for DAYS my husband needs rope to keep him on the bed because I am clinging to him in case our house spontaneously morphs into a sinking submarine while I am being less than vigilant due to the need for sleep. /sigh Maybe these are abilities that occur during the fourth decade of life?