Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Too Early for Wine, Too Late for a Mimosa...I Must Need a Margarita

I've been looking forward to today all week. I get to go to a class - all day - on how to use Microsoft Access. From 8 am to 4 PM, I'd be playing with a new software program. And there's always a good chance that we get out of those classes early, so I could be home even earlier. And it counts as a full day of work - I get paid for it! And I'd get to sleep a little late. And - one of the best things - I get to wear jeans. That's gives me an extra 5 minutes of sleep right there. And so, last night I stayed up a little too late, after drinking one too many glasses of wine. I checked my phone this morning: I called my best friend at 10:13 PM, and then we talked for 39 minutes. I was up after 10 PM! On a WORK night! It's almost like I slid in past curfew without my parents noticing. Not that I ever did that, Mom! I was your perfect child! ahem. So I overslept. Not too bad, and I was out of the door less than ten minutes after getting out of bed, because how good do you have to look for a bunch of computer nerds? They don't notice. I had to stop and grab a handful of caffeine on my way (Diet Mt Dew, since it's easier to guzzle down than coffee), but I was on the Interstate at 6:45. I had an hour and fifteen minutes to get on base. Which in my obsessive Never-Be-Late-For-Anything mind was cutting it close, because I'd probably only be 5 minutes early. And what if I needed to stop for more caffeine? Why had I only bought one bottle? For the first ten miles down the interstate, I debated with myself over the likelihood of a mere 20 ounces of liquid goodness lasting til lunch. This is the woman who brings not just a travel mug but also a 6 cup coffee urn to work with her. And then I have a Diet Mt Dew for lunch. You'd think there would be no contest - 20 ounces is barely enough to get out of bed for. But if I stopped, I'd have no margin of error on the timing. And thinking that much in the morning did not help my hangover headache. And then my phone rang; it was K, from work, calling to let me know there was a HUGE accident on the interstate. Well, that settled it. No caffeine stops for me. She suggested I get off at an exit 15 miles north of where I usually do, because the accident was pretty bad. And the secondary roads were horrible getting into the city. 30 minutes later, as I approached the exit she suggested, I debated (headache rising again) and decided to go a bit farther. In 7 miles, I would know how to get to work without the interstate, and I would still be at least 6 miles north of the accident, which had happened over an hour ago. Surely, the worst of the traffic would be over, right? BIG MISTAKE. 2 miles later, I'm sitting in a parking lot that was once an interstate. I'm 3 miles from the next exit - and I have no CLUE where that one goes. I have 25 minutes til my training starts, and obviously it's going to start without me. I turned off NPR (which almost killed me) to look for a local station that had some kind of traffic update. Found Nothing. why can't NPR do local traffic? Oh...yeah...that "N" stands for National. Whatever. I needed a traffic update. And I probably missed every one of them because I was flipping around like a maniac, because I don't live in this blasted city so I don't know the good radio stations. Should I take the next exit? If I do, will I ever find my way home again? Because those Ruby slippers...they look awesome, but they don't REALLY work. And finally, as we approach the exit that I'm sure leads into the bowels of Alabama...or worse, will take me to Mississippi - I notice that I HAVE to get off there. The interstate is closed. For the next ten miles. I was going to get lost with no caffeine in the middle of a cotton field. I just knew it. Luckily, my MacGyver qualities came through, and I remembered that my rear-view mirror tells me what direction I'm going. I needed to head south. And since most of the traffic was probably going to the city, I'd just follow them. And then if anyone got lost in a cotton field, we'd all be lost together. And surely, there would be someone I could beat to death and steal caffeine from. Cotton fields are great places to bury bodies. I was actully kinda looking forward to the whole thing. Instead, we all just drove south at 2 miles an hour. How boring. One HOUR and ten minutes later I drove on base. Of course, the Access training had already started. And it was too late for me to join, so I came to work. Only to find out that when my boss saw the traffic jam this morning, he turned around and went home and decided to wait til noon to come in. Sometimes, I think it might be worth it to move down here. Because then, I could have gotten three more hours of sleep. And brewed a couple of pots of coffee.

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