Some Things Are Just Wrong

Somehow, Thanksgiving this year turned into a tribute to the Star Wars Galaxy. We had three of the six movies on at various points yesterday, and they were showing on more than one channel. They were the premium movie channels, but still...when did Thanksgiving get to be All Star Wars All The Time? The first movie was on again when I went to bed last night.

Anyway, In one of my brief sitting-down periods yesterday, I got to watch the end of Return of the Jedi. The VERY end. You know the scene. Luke walks away from the Ewok-Gala to lean an arm against a tree and smile at the ghosts that are hanging out and laughing at Chewie trying to two-step with a miniature version of himself. The camera angle shifts, so that we can see he's not just crazily grinning at a log, and there are Obi-Wan and Yoda, sitting there grinning back. And then Darth Vader - now rehabilitated back into his peaceful personality of Anakin - appears next to them. And we all know that Luke saved his soul and that when Leia comes to take him back to the party he can go shake a leg with a full heart and calm mind. Granted, Anakin doesn't look too hot - he'd been inside that stuffy black suit for a pretty long time - but at least he's not a devil. He's back to good.

Ok...so yesterday, I'm sitting on my couch, checking email and half-watching this scene. And I look up....and it's that very end scene, where Luke looks up. Only, instead of seeing the guy that played Darth Vader in the original...the shadowy figure has been replaced by the guy who played Anakin in the newest movies! This is wrong on so many levels.
First of all, don't mess with the original like that. I don't mind taking old movies and making them into colorized versions. I don't mind cleaning stuff up. But don't flat out CHANGE things! Second of all, why do Yoda and Obi-Wan look the same as when they died, but Anakin has reverted back to his younger self? That's just crazy.
Third - It's JUST WRONG.

Anyway, this was some kind of uncut version - it had scenes in it that my hubby hadn't seen before. I only saw that very last bit, so I don't know if they went back and changed anything else. I'm almost afraid to find out.

29? What Happened to 25-28?

I think I've misplaced a few years. If you find any extra ones sitting around doing nothing, send them my way. Because I was sure I was only up to like, 24; 25 AT THE MOST. But oh no, my driver's license has to be truthful and let me know that as of today, I'm 29. But ya know what? I still get ID'd when I buy my weekly supply of wine. And I still look good in black boots. I don't have any fake teeth. And I'll turn 30 next year; if that's not a reason for a big party, then I don't know what is. (Which is a complete lie, because I know hundreds, if not thousands, of reasons to throw a party. They range from "Look! It's raining again - let's throw a martini party!" To "Look! It stopped raining! Let's throw a martini party!" to....well, you get the idea.) My best friend has enough emotional trauma associated with every birthday for both of us. I'm probably going to start a therapy fund for her in the next few years; 40 is going to be hard for her. And just because I can get away with it, I need to take this opportunity to remind her that I am - and always will be - younger than she is. :) And to my darling brother, who for one glorious day every year gets to be the same age as I: What the HELL were you thinking to send me a text message at 12:37 AM? In case you forgot, we called an end to our mutual sibling hatred and started liking each other about twelve years ago. I have to say, though, that the rhyme sequence of your birthday poem was a little more forgivable when I was asleep. Seen in the bright light of day... it kinda makes me wish I were sharing whatever drink you had when you wrote it. The "Dear Sister" part was nice, although not totally believable in the middle of the night. If I were your "dear" sister, would you really be waking me up? /sigh. Of course you would. :) Tonight I'm going out to dinner and a movie with my hubby and stepson. We're gonna see the new James Bond movie. Then I'll come home and start baking for tomorrow's feast. Hubby and I are in a war over the TV - I HAVE to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade while I'm cooking. He's convinced that football history will be made, and refuses to listen when I say there won't be any games on yet. This happened two years ago when we were together for our first Thanksgiving ....and I'm beginning to think that this is one more reason to go to my sister's for the holiday - we don't fight over the parade, because at her house it's just on. Period. Plus, she's as much as a wine junkie as I am. And then there's the family and stuff. And the food. Ok, I'm going to stop before I totally depress myself. I think I'll dip into the chocolate that one of my friends at work gave me today. I need to get a pic of the picture frame she gave me...but in the meantime, here's what my hubby gave me.*** I know, I know - I wasn't supposed to get anything, because we bought that big TV last month. But hey, if he's going to give me extra presents, I am NOT going to complain. :) ***Blogger won't let me put a pic in this post; but it was a gift basket from the local winery with a bottle of wine, a yummy smelling candle and a tin of chocolaty-hazelnut rolled up cookie things. YUM!

What In The world Is A Global Orgasm Day, You Ask?

Warning to my Parents:
Hi Mom (and Dad, if you happened to stop by today of all days). Just felt like it was my filial duty to warn you: if reading about your daughter having sex - and liking it - isn't your cup of tea (or makes you want to pluck your eyeballs out with the nearest ball point pen or similarly pointy object), then click here. And come back tomorrow. Umm...maybe wait til Wednesday, cause I don't necessarily post every day. I'll make a special effort tomorrow, though. Just for you. If it doesn't bother you to read about your daughter having sex - and liking it - then read on. There's some good stuff here.


HOLY COW!! Why has it taken thousands of years to come up with this?

Global Orgasm Day

To protest the war, these people want us to all have sex - and more most importantly, a pleasurable conclusion to sex - on December 22. Go read the site for the details, cause this space is for my thoughts on the subject. And boy, do I have some thoughts on the subject.

1. What an abso-freaking-lutely awesome idea.
2. Instead of focusing on world peace before and after certain...happy moments...in the proceedings, is it ok if my mind is just blank? I'm not real good on that mental discipline stuff. I'm even worse at focusing. And if I say "OK, honey, now concentrate on world peace", that may be the last "happy moment" I have for a while. So a blank mind is just as good as a peaceful one. Right?
3. The site says that "The results will be measured on the worldwide monitor system of the Global Consciousness Project."
   
   1. There's a Global Consciousness Project?
   2. Will the results be published in a scientific journal or Playboy?
   3. Will the National Geographic Channel make a documentary? I don't know how their ratings are these days, but this could NOT hurt. Maybe they could show it right before their 8 hour "Inside the Womb" special. Because nothing will make people think twice about sex as much an 8 hour special on being pregnant. That is, if they leave the TV on. And pay attention.
   4. How in the world do you measure something like a massive world-orgasm? Is there the equivalent of the Richter Scale? Can I get a copy, along with an explanation of how to determine what each level is?
4. If this works, will the organization send out memos regarding the necessity of having more sex, not just on specific days of the year?
5. If I drink too much and go to bed a few minutes late, and my hubby and I time things all wrong and it ends up being a few minutes into December 23rd, will my contribution to the global orgasm still count?
6. This is my favorite line on the website:

   When? Solstice Day - Friday, December 22nd, at the time of your choosing, in the place of your choosing and with as much privacy as you choose.

7. Do we get extra points if we contribute more than once?
   

I could go on and on with this. But I have to be on the reference desk in a few minutes, and my break is almost over. Please, add your thoughts to mine!! There's so much more to be said about this!

Hmm...I wonder if this will ever make it onto the calendar as a national holiday...

Reasons My Stepson Thinks I Took Lessons From Cinderella's Step-Mother

1.) Me: SS, you put the milk in the fridge without the cap on it again.
    SS: Ok, I'll get it later.
    Me: Um, no, I want milk later and I want it to be just as tasty as when I bought it this morning. Put it on now.

2.)Me: SS, can you please put the pictures back that you were looking at?
    SS: what pictures?
    Me: The snapshots from our Rhode Island Trip? The ones that are scattered across the coffee table with a cat laying on them?
    SS: (not moving): Oh yeah. Those pictures.
    Me: Funny. They're still on the coffee table. Now, SS
 
3.) He's just gotten out of the shower
    Me: Did you put on the same shirt you slept in?
    SS: yeah, I didn't bring anything else to wear.
    Me: And, um...you've got the play today? In like an hour and a half?
    SS, very tired of me and my questions: yeah
    Me: Would you like a clean shirt?
    SS: {The Biggest Sigh I have heard since my brother first perfected the art fifteen years ago}
    Me: {The Biggest Sigh I have given since I was an expert on it fifteen years ago.}

And he's only been awake for an hour and a half.
I'm sure I could be much meaner today, but he'll be gone for about 11 hours, so I'll just have to save it up for the next time we have him.
Of course, the $20 we gave him to go to lunch a movie in between plays today helped ease him back to civility. But I can only buy his love so often before I start feeling cheap.

Clue number 5,629,345,928 that our president is an idiot

Which of these is demeaning to me as a woman?

A.) Contraceptives
B.) A man - an OB/GYN, no less - who thinks that contraceptives are demeaning to women and who has been appointed as the deputy assistant secretary of population affairs and who will have the responsiblity of reporting to the Secretary of Health and Human Services on things like reproductive health.
C.) A president that would appoint That Man

This appointment does not have to go through any kind of confirmation, so Mr. Keroack's job is a done deal. And you know what part of that job will be? "He will oversee $283 million in annual family-planning grants that, according to HHS, are "designed to provide access to contraceptive supplies and information to all who want and need them with priority given to low-income persons."

But the funny thing is, that HHS also gives tons of grants out every year on abstinence education. Pamphlets, programs for young adults, commercials are all funded by the Dept of HHS to tell people that sex is bad if you haven't had the right person pray over you and tell you that you are man and wife. And you know what? There was a story on NPR yesterday morning (Can't find the link right now) about those pamphlets and things that are written with the money from those HHS grants. A lot of them had data that has been proven wrong more than once, but is still included to back the government's "Absitince is the only state-sanctioned form of birth control" campaign. They don't have to go through any kind of review to make sure that their "scientific" data is actually scientific. So instead of teens learning about condoms and the fact that they could literally save their lives, they're told that they shouldn't have sex at all and if they do, then they're on their own.  And with this new guy in HHS, I bet they put a spin on that so that we all understand that he's actually supporting women by coming out against birth control. Because, you know, choosing and planning to have a child when you can financially and emotionally support one is just a bad idea. And...

Ok, I've got to stop. I could rant about this for hours, but you would stop reading by then. And none of this counts towards my word count for NaNoWriMo, so I really need to go pour another cup of coffee. I think I'll go write a sex scene between two unmarried people. And it'll be the woman who supplies the condom.

NaNoWriMo Progress.

Well, I'm not sure it's a whole lot of progress. As of this moment, I've got about 17,366 words done, which is a little more than 8,000 words behind where I'd like to be. Well, to be honest, I'd like to be done. The "fun" of starting something new has kinda worn thin once all ready - which means I had three days of no clue what to put in, so I "brainstormed" (read: typed not one damn word).
But I really like what I've done. I want this to be longer than 50,000 words, though. Which means that even if I've won NaNo, I (hopefully) won't have finished the story.

So the Divas are having a High Noon Challenge this weekend: write as much as possible between 6 PM tonight and noon on Sundaya. And in order to get back on track, I would need to write a little over 14,000 words by Sunday night. Which would almost double what I have.
Do I think that's possible? Um. Yes? Maybe? If I have enough caffeine?
Am I going to try? Absolutely.

So anyone who wants to is more than welcome to send me text messages tomorrow with little reminders like: "Put the book down! You're supposed to be writing, not reading!" and "Star Trek is NOT more important than writing this weekend!" Or "You can kiss your husband as much as you want on Sunday night! Go back to your laptop!"
Or you can be creative all on your own.

Nerd? Geek? or Dork?

Pure Nerd 69 % Nerd, 47% Geek, 30% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations! Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on nerdiness You scored higher than 99% on geekosity You scored higher than 99% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

It's a Rather Blustery Day Today

Oh the wind is lashing lusterly And the trees are thrashing thrusterly And the leaves are rustling gusterly So it's rather safe to say That it seems that it may turn out to be It feels that it will undoubtedly Looks like a rather blustery day today It seems that it may turn out to be Feels that it will undoubtedly Looks like a rather blustery day today --Winnie the Pooh

Off to see the Wizard

Maybe.

There’s some severe weather heading my way. I don’t want to have to pull out all the meteoro-techno-babble terms, but I will: This is a big ole storm. With lightening. And Hail. And Stuff.

Of course, the “stuff” could be a tornado. Or it could be nothing but a few leaves that get blown around in the wind. Or it could be anything in between.

This is why I love weather. Ya never know what’s gonna happen. I’m not any kind of trained weather watcher (but that’s only because I’m not home enough), which is the main reason that my meteoro-techno-babble terms include “stuff” and “big ole”. But I do love a good storm. With lots of wind and lightening and thunder. I could take or leave the rain. On it’s own, rain is fine as long as I’m home in bed or on my couch. But with the wind howling and the thunder crashing, I want to be outside in the middle of it.

And now we come to the reason that I’m not a big fan of tornados: It’s not really advisable to stand around and watch lightening and “big ole stuff” when there’s a tornado in the area. In fact, I’m religious about getting the cats and high-tailing it with them into the laundry room. And then I inevitably sit on top of the washer, trying to avoid the hissing and scratching of The Cat Who Does Not Like To Be Shut Up In Small Spaces, and cursing because the tornado never comes, so I’ve just missed a good storm. I know, I know - better safe than sorry. Which is why I still go to the laundry room – after I go outside and check things out visually. Because in all honesty, if a tornado came and landed on my house, I’d have to learn that funky dance step that everyone in the movie does on the Yellow Brick Road, cause I'd be blown to Oz even if I were in the laundry room with the cats. Although it might be worth it if I could talk to a lion.

Anyway, there’s some stuff heading my way. I’m at work – which is actually a much safer building than my house. But I have a pretty good feeling my boss won’t let me stand outside for a few minutes after the sirens go off to watch the clouds swirl and the lightening flash or to feel the high winds and hear the thunder. Sometimes, bosses can be real party-poopers.

Update #1: 10:10 AMThe sirens went off. We moved the students and stood in the hall for 10 minutes. Now we're free and waiting for the next round. Update #2 10:35 AM And they went off again. This time, one of the librarians was smart enough to bring a newspaper so a few of us had something to read. I don't think I'll be driving to out to the lakes on base for lunch today.

Driving along, singing a song

My commute to work is about an hour, give or take ten minutes or so for the complete lunacy of Alabama drivers and the utter madness that takes ahold of people driving semi's somewhere around the Chilton County border. 60 minutes to work, and 60 minutes home. I am NOT complaining. I have NPR to keep me company, and if they get a little overzealous on, say, an upcoming election that they feel like beating into the ground...well, then, I always have my 60 +/- CDs to keep me company. And my cell phone, which - Thank you Jesus! - now gets coverage the entire way home because I switched away from the the evil that is Verizon and went back to playing on the Tmobile network. Sometimes, I actually wish the drive were longer. This is mostly in the mornings. See, because I have an hour drive, sometimes I don't really feel like I need to be completely awake when I get in the car. So I wait until the last possible second to get out of bed, because the only thing more precious than chocolate in this sweet world is sleep. If I plan things out correctly - which I rarely do - I can slide behind the steering wheel 7 minutes after I roll out of bed. Because I have at least 60 minutes to wake up - and sometimes, I actually need more than 60 minutes to wake up. The coffee rarely lasts the whole drive, and I will NOT stop for a refill when I know I can get as much as I want when I get to work. That smacks of addiction.
The ride home always seems longer, but that's when I either call every phone number in my cell phone (raise your hand if I've called you between 4:30 and 5:30 Central time). Or I put in the soundtrack from The Sound of Music and yodel along with The Lonely Goatherd at the top of my lungs, because neither my husband nor my stepson appreciate it when I do that when they're in the car with me. Or when I'm in the house. Especially when stepson has friends over. But that's another story.
And then, every once in a while, I read something that makes me think maybe this hour drive twice a day thing isn't so smart. Say, for example, something about the weather, like this:

"I still think the sweet spot (best combination of dynamics and instability) will be in the general area between Birmingham and Montgomery, and the best chance of severe storms seems to be in the 11:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. time frame."

A Brief Glimpse of Purgatory

Sisyphus was condemned by the gods to perpetually roll a rock up a hill only to see it roll back down again. Tantalus was forced to stand - forever - in a pool of water that disappeared every time he leaned down to take a drink while a bunch of grapes hung over his head and pulled the same trick when he reached up to grab them. Prometheus was chained to a rock and every day an eagle came to eat his liver; he could do it every day because his liver grew back every night. I have a house full of food and a growling stomach. I also have a tongue and lip that I can barely feel (Thank you Dr. Dentist!), tempting me to try to eat something. Surely if I'm careful, I won't bite myself. And if I do, I won't feel it - right? I was eating leftover macaroni, but the second bite had me wondering if it had magically turned into a medium-rare steak - because only one of those choices has blood in it, and that was definitely what I was tasting. I think I'll just stick to coffee with a medicinal drop or two of Bailey's in it for a few hours.

Another Play

Last school year, StepSon helped out with his high school's production of Little Shop of Horrors. Somehow, I had missed seeing the film or theater version of that, but I went to his. And I was miserable through the whole thing. The end didn't even seem real - it just seemed like the playwrite(s?) got tired of the whole thing and slapped something crazy on it. I don't blame them. I was tired of the whole thing and just glad that it ended before I heard "Feee-eeed ME Seymour" one more time. Because I was afraid I was going to go up on stage and feed Seymour to the stupid plant. The kids were great, I just didn't like the play itself. StepSon, by the way, was on the lighting crew. So of course, I believe that he had the most important job in the entire production, and that his was the only job done perfectly. Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be a rant on that play. It was supposed to be an introduction to the new production he is involved in. If only I could introduce it. So far, StepSon cannot tell me anything about the play. He has been to four practices. Today, he painted for three hours. He's not even sure of the name. He thinks it's Patchwork. Maybe. Opening night is November 13th. Yes, that's only a week and a half away. He's not even sure what role he'll play during the actual production. So in two weeks, Hubby and I are going to go to the play. Who knows? Maybe knowing nothing about the play in advance will make it more of an adventure. Will my StepSon step out onto stage at any moment? Will he be running the lights behind my back? Or, will he have painted the requisite number of sets and not even be be in the building? Ahhh...life is a constant adventure in this family.

Thursday Afternoon Fun: Rummaging through the bucket of Halloween Candy on the Reference Desk and finding the last piece of Strawberry Laffy Taffy.

Thursday Afternoon Not-Fun: Crunching down on something hard in your Strawberry Lafffy Taffy and realizing it's a piece of one of your fillings.

Do me a favor. Click on this link. http://world4.monstersgame.co.uk/?ac=vid&vid=47114271 I promise, it's not some kind of nefarious way for me to sneak into your computer and hack into your account at extremesex.com or whatever it is you're doing on your computer when no one is around. I'm not going to steal your identity so you can get in one of those crazy commercials where a 13 year old pre-pubescent girl's voice is coming out of the body of a 40 year old weight-lifting black guy. I'm just going to take a little of your blood....